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My dad recently gave me a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called 10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives. Yikes. If that makes you a little nervous and anxious to open the book, don't worry. I stared at this book for about three days before I started reading. The fact that my dad gave it to me (with all the best intentions) made me even more nervous. He listens to the Dr. Laura talkshow quite frequently and often discusses with me some topics she addresses (relationships, parenting, and young women finding their ways). I have listened to her show a few times and find myself frustrated with the advice she gives - more specifically, the way she delivers her advice in an abrupt, harsh manner. Although I might not agree with the way she talks to the callers, Dr. Laura is level-headed and has the best intentions for her callers and listeners; she wants to help. But sometimes, as humans, aren't we a little bit stubborn and need that tough love and advice?
The preface is a poem written by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919).
It ever has been since time began,
And ever will be, till time lose breath,
That love is a mood - no more- to man,
And love to a woman is life or death.
Well, holy moly. I could tell right away that this book was probably going to hit me right across the face. Guess what...I was right. Dr. Laura followed this poem by saying that she hopes the book will lead men and women to put love and work into a more "harmonious balance." I almost stopped reading at this point, but continued. My mom used to tell my brothers and me to read the first 50 pages or so. If we still didn't like it, we could try another book. I was hooked shortly after the preface.
I've always considered myself to be pretty independent (I use that work loosely). I do my own thing and nothing really 'scares' me. However, I've started looking back and realizing I have never created my purpose. And quite honestly, it's because I have never allowed myself to explore this territory. I find comfort in loving people, whether it's a relationship or friendship. I like working on myself while I'm with someone else. In this book, Dr. Laura writes about women finding a purpose outside herself. And I think that's pretty awesome. It can be so easy to use feelings of being unwanted and lonely to jump into the life of someone else for comfort. And just as Dr. Laura was writing it, I realized that this purposeful life, affirmation, safety, and security comes from my own being. Why not ride the loneliness through and come out a stronger person in the end? I know I will thank myself later.
We live in a world where it can be so difficult to do things on our own. My dad talks to me about this and I've started noticing the little 'victories' and simple tasks I do by myself. The one I am most proud of is going to the gym alone. I weight-lift, so I find myself by guys lifting really heavy weights. But I am there for myself. So I nail my workout and leave. Simple, yet powerful. I go to church by myself at school. Although I now know members in the congregation, it is still the idea of walking in by myself and being there for my own spiritual health. Going to a restaurant, sitting down, and ordering a meal alone is another small victory. I am sitting with my own thoughts and with only myself and a bowl of Chicken Alfredo for company. That's pretty gosh darn good company, I might add.
At the end of the day, the one person I need to be able to feel comfortable with is myself. That's why these little victories and tasks are so important. Be comfortable with yourself...by yourself. Although the Dr. Laura book mainly talks about relationships, there is so much to learn about oneself before entering a relationship with another person. This time to grow will only help future relationships and keep me more level-headed.
I'm a girl entering my twenties. I might not have everything figured out (another blog post will come about that shortly), but I'm enjoying this time of getting to know myself. The more I really ask questions about my own being, the more I am realizing that I'm a pretty cool girl. Be selective, trust your own mind, and learn from loneliness. Become more meaningful to yourself and others. I encourage you to find joy with other people, but find the joy in yourself. Changing the past is impossible, so I'll put my hair in a ponytail and keep moving forward. Brave choices, brave actions.
